ETIQUETTE TO OBSERVE DURING CLASSICAL MUSIC CONCERTS

Today, I'm going to draw your attention to certain classical concert etiquette - some do's and don'ts to observe so that you wouldn't be a nuisance. Remember these concerts are not like Pop concerts, Dancehall concerts or Gospel Rock Shows where people come to sweat and show off "fooling skills". After reading this article, you'll understand why certain people looked at you with piercing stares after exhibiting your ignorance. I'll try to tackle all aspects of the traditions of classical concerts. Read on attentively.

1. Don't Bring Your Cry Babies

Leave those babies and toddlers at home or just stay at home. Babies will distract the musicians with their high shrilled evil annoying cries just because they don't care where they are and who they disturb. Moreover, think of the uncomfortable position you'd put people in when you start to breastfeed your baby. In fact, do not breastfeed in the concert hall. DON'T. DON'T. I SAID DON'T. Toddlers may seem quite matured to attend concerts but trust me, they are not. They will piss you off and you'd be forced to yell at them and it's unpleasant to the audience around you.

2. Muffle Your Coughs

Why not go for a check up? You may be infected with a flu or tuberculosis. Get it treated before you attend a concert. If there is nothing wrong with you, sit down, discipline yourself and shut up with your damn coughing. During a performance of "Tristan und Isolde" in Dallas, a man kept on coughing and Jonathan Vickers who was playing the part of Tristan yelled at the man, "Shut up with your damn coughing". Just save your self the embarrassment and muffle your cough.

3. Regulate Your Clapping

Honestly, I blame this indiscipline of uncontrolled clapping on the Charismatics. Charismatic Churches have moved from the orderly manner of services to entertaining unnecessary outbursts and such habit has extended to the concert halls. There are parts of a concerts that allow for clapping. Mainly, before and after a concert. Now, other parts are, during an intermission or after an aria or chorus has been splendidly rendered. That means it won't make sense to clap after a recitative. Also, claps during intermissions should be brief. Also, wait till the conductor puts his arms down totally before you even think of clapping.

4. Switch Off Your Phones

Turn them off. Do not even put it on vibration. Just switch it off. The sound of mobile phones irritate audiences and distracts musicians. The most annoying thing is that, those whose phones ring are the China Phone users. Someone might suggest that you put it on silence, but don't forget the network can give a noisy feedback. What about putting the phone on flight mode? No, think of alarms or reminders. If you feel you have important phone calls to answer, don't attend a concert at all. Enjoy your calls instead.

5. Standing Ovation Is Very Necessary

After the performance of the oratorio, "Joseph and His Brethren" by Harmonious Chorale, there was a standing ovation and a lady behind me asked me to sit because I was blocking her view. I guess it was her first time at a concert so I was a bit considerate while bashing her. Never tell anyone to sit during a standing ovation unless you are the MC. I could have punched that lady in the head but I'm a gentleman. I don't hit women.

6. Wanna Be Photographers, Turn Off Your Camera's Flashlight

Actually, organizers of concerts hire their own photographers and they are in charge of taking photos. But if a busy body like yourself wants to take a picture, turn off the flashlight of the camera at least. The musicians shouldn't suffer because of your willingness to do the job of ajournalist.

7. Do Not Talk

Many concert halls use sound systems that aid acoustic instruments in a way that the slightest piano dynamics of the harp can be heard. When you talk, you can be heard by others. Even whispering is not good enough. But hurray, there is a solution to that. And do you know what it is? ................. SHUTTING UP!!! Save the chat for later. You can spill out all your gossips after the concert.

8. Don't Hum Or Sing Along Unless Directed By The Conductor

You are at the concert to watch and listen and not to perform. No humming and no singing along. Other concertgoers find this irritating and annoying. You can get a recording of the concert later and hum as loud as you want in your house.

9. Do Not Sleep

Please don't do this especially if you snore like a monster. Keep awake. No matter what. Stay awake during the concert.

10. Do Not Hoot, Shout or Cheer During A Concert

That is why we call it a classical concert and not a pop concert. You are expected to behave like a lady or lord. Not that it is a rule, but it is something that should fit the occasion. Shouting unnecessarily would just make people speak ill of you.

Observe these classical concert traditions and your life will never be the same again. You can add more in the comment section and don't forget to share.

15 KINDS OF CHORISTERS

Harmonious Chorale. Photo Credit: Choral Music Ghana

I'm a chorister. You may be one too or you may know one. Each chorister is unique in their own way and their idiosyncrasies combines to make the choir either interesting or not. I categorized these unique characters and I believe we will relate quite well and mention names. Originally, I wanted to limit this article to just 10 but I realized there is so much to write and read about.

1. The Talkative

This kind of chorister is surely a tenor singer. Rehearsal is actually his talking period and won't let the music director have peace. A duct tape is the ultimate solution to silence them.

2. The One Who Nags at Every Little Error

This chorister is very annoying and if you are one, I'm putting it to you: YOU ARE SUPER ANNOYING. Surprisingly, they take this character to stage and you can even hear their murmuring through the sound system.

3. The Super Model

There is this chorister who will always dress like he or she is going for a beauty pageant. If you dress better than him or her, you'll surely be imprisoned. Take it easy on them. That makes them feel comfortable. And whether you accept it or not, you are captivated and attracted to them.

4. Creator of The Best Ad Libs

Some choristers especially some soprano singers are excellent when it comes to ad libs and they even take pitches to the highest degrees - PUN INTENDED. In your closet, you cry because you know you can't imitate them. I understand. People kill themselves to be like Cecilia Bartolli and it's nothing new.

5. The Early Bird

These guys really surprise me. It makes me wonder whether the choir master has a special package for those who come early. Well, I admire their punctuality and if all choristers were like them, choirs will be better than they are now.

6. The One Who Wants To Be Heard By Everyone

Seriously, keep it down. The audience is listening to the choir and not you as an individual.

7. The Singer That Wants To Sing Everyone's Part

Naturally, there is that singer that picks the interesting phrases in the parts of the piece tries to sing it making the piece five part harmony rather than four part harmony. Please. Stop it. Concentrate on yours. You'll be fine.

8. The Laughing Jackal

Laughing indeed makes the heart healthier. This kind of chorister is probably an alto singer who sits at the back and mostly likes to hang out with the tenor guys. Giggling and grinning at anything, anytime and everywhere. One thing is, their laughing is extremely contagious.

9. The Emotional Chorister

This type can be really dramatic and it is so amazing how they can draw the attention of the audience at a concert to themselves. They cry during the part that has largo and pianissimo dynamics and minor chords and they show their neatly arrange teeth(that looks like excel spreadsheet) with pieces in allegro and forte dynamics and major chords

10. Imperfect Pitcher

I don't understand how but some people just can't sing the notes they are told to sing. Annoyingly, their voices are even louder and irritating. They are not able to know when the notes they sing are wrong.

11. The Omni-Religious

Fortunately, the choir would still be a better place without them. They tend to make the choir their prayer camp and they always wish to use more than half of the rehearsal time for their unnecessary long prayers. There is a reason why prayer and singing are two different things.

12. The Music Director's Enemy

This chorister is naturally an enemy to the music director simply because he or she is not willing to humble himself or herself. There isn't a day that there won't be a quarrel because this chorister is a torn in the flesh.

13. The Staff/Solfa Wizard

Yeah. These guys make teaching music very easy. If every singer in a choir could read staff or solfa notation, a whole oratorio can be learnt in a day.

14. The Ground Bass Chorister

Some talented bass singers are able to sing really low registers. They can sing an octave lower simultaneous to any original bass line. Even when they are not singing an octave lower, you can still feel the heaviness and vibrations of their voice. Kennedy Dankwa, I see you!

15. The Time Reactive Chorister

The final one is the chorister who is always waiting for the closing time. I wish there was no closing time for rehearsals because without it, rehearsals would be more effective. Sincerely, those who cry that time is up are the ones who need more music training and their kind of choirmaster is the stern type.

We've seen the various types of choristers that we have and I believe you can relate this post to some real people or probably yourself. If you know any other kind of chorister, kindly post it in the comment box below. Follow my new Twitter handle by clicking on The Black Handel. Keeping checking for more posts.

TROMBONISTS: THE SWEET NIGHTMARE OF BRASS BANDS AND ORCHESTRAS

Photo credit: Edward Stuart

Talk of that tenor, either high or low, and you'll know it's the trombone. Believe it or not, they play a part in enriching the beauty of musical pieces. Think of the glory of many pieces which would not be captivating without this instrument. It's not the trombone that is a headache of music directors but it is rather the human controlling it - the Trombonists.

1. They See Piano As Forte

Trombonists will just not play softly and we can't understand why. They have a habit of disobeying a composer's dynamics especially the piano dynamics. As for pianissimo, forget it. To them, it doesn't exist. If you ever develop a hearing problem, it is the fault of a trombonist.

2. They Won't Stop Talking During Rehearsals

If the brass band or orchestra was to be a zoo, the trombonists will be parrots. They never lack breath and so they talk endlessly about anything and they always have something to say. It's amazing. Only a rehab can solve their talkative problem.

3. Paid for Playing Just Three Semi-breves

This is not common in brass bands but in the orchestra, most of their roles are covered by the french horn or euphonium. The trombone only comes in to give out a loud burst of sound for about 5 seconds and they still get paid. I'm not jealous ooo, but it's just so unfair.

4. First Class Womanisers and Flirts

Hide your girlfriends. Like NOW!!!! That's all I have to say. NB: Yet trombonists are the most faithful kind of husbands when they get married to that one lady of their choice.

5. The Slide Is A Weapon To Them

When a trombonist is idle, the devil uses him or her(rarely) to peeve others by knocking them with the slide. To them, the slide is a weapon of mass destruction and until they see you angry, they won't stop hitting you.

DO'S AND DON'TS WHEN LEARNING AN INSTRUMENT

Dear music students, especially those of you learning instruments, we will be looking at some do's and don'ts while learning your instrument. How to be a good student and how to make your instrument teacher love you and be happy being your teacher.

1. Don't Be Late!!!

Your teacher normally anticipates the time within which you might finish a practice session. Don't ever keep him waiting...

2. Revise and Practice Before Your Next Lesson

I for one, I feel sad when my student comes back after a week and has forgotten everything. I just tolerate, smile and guide the student to remember. But, I promise you, there are teachers that will crack your fingers with a wooden ruler. (Students of Mr. Sackey can relate)

3. Don't Be Idle When You Go For Your Lessons

While waiting for your teacher, play over what you were taught the previous lesson. Let your teacher hear the sound of music from a distance. This puts smiles on his or her face and becomes happy for efforts made.

4. Don't Always Wait To Be Spoon-fed

There is no harm in trying to learn ahead and go the extra mile. Teachers are proud of students who take them by surprise by learning to play harder pieces. Imagine your teacher gives your homework to practice Bach's Invention No. 1 and then you kill it, and learn the Hungarian Rhapsody. What more would a teacher want. Imagine the relief.

5. Surprise Your Teacher With A Gift Spontaneously

Occasionally, you should give your teacher a gift. The gift could be in any form. Forget about the money you pay; the knowledge you are receiving from him is priceless.

6. Finish What You Started

When you pick an instrument to learn, stay focused and stay faithful. See the instrument like your lover and don't cheat on it. No instrument is easy to learn. They all have their challenges. So keep going and you'll master.

7. Never Go To A Recital Without Informing Your Teacher

It is very necessary to make your teacher aware before you go for any recital. They will give you some tips to guide you. Also, they will support you better during your recital and their presence alone will give you all the confidence you need.

8. Listen and Do Whatever Your Teacher Tells You To Do

Certain things your teacher will tell you to do may seem awkward. From example, your trumpet teacher could ask you to tear pieces of paper, put them in your mouth one by one and spit them out. Just do it. There is a reason for any activity done prior to your instrument's lessons.

9. Embrace The Art Of Reading Music

All prodigies and Virtuosos are excellent because they accepted and grasped music theory. If you want to be one of the best instrumentalists and not be taken for granted, learn how to read music as well. If you have started already and facing difficulties, just continue. Instrumentalists who read music are hot cakes. Trust me.

10. Do Not Stop Practicing

Practice every day. Just practice. I said practice. Pratice! PRactice !! PRActice!!! PRACtice!!!! PRACTice!!!!! PRACTIce!!!!!! PRACTICe!!!!!!! PRACTICE!!!!!!!!

So, this is it. Don't give up on you instrument and don't forget that teachers are special. They are the only people who don't get jealous of you when you become better than them. Also, remember to teach someone too. It will make you greater.

I'd like everyone who has a teacher to tell them this, "You are awesome and thank you for the priceless lessons".

TYPES OF MUSIC DIRECTORS

Music directing is not an easy task and it takes a lot of commitment especially when you are not paid or in a church where leadership doesn't appreciate your efforts. Your patience is tested most of the time and you keep on wondering whether your life's purpose is to be disturbed and infuriated. We have different kinds of music directors and how each of them respond to choristers' or instrumentalists' behaviour at rehearsal or a performance.

1. The Funny and Jovial One

There is that kind of conductor who will always make you laugh till you lose breathe. In fact, they are the reason why you would always want to be at rehearsal. But don't be mistaken; they are the ones who live the most lonely and depressed lives. At rehearsal, they see the musician as their happiness and always make their musicians laugh.

2. The With a Music Score Database in His Brain

I don't know how they do it, but some music directors can keep a whole symphony in mind with all its dynamics and modulations. It is almost useless to put a score before them. Some music directors can even teach a whole four-part harmony without a score and will teach every accidental correctly. I even find it difficult to keep the tenor part of Hallelujah chorus in mind.

3. The One Who Wants You to Repeat a Phrase a 100 times

Yes. These ones really exist and are sincerely annoying. But it is actually for the best. No music director wants his choristers/orchestra to go and sing/play nonsense on the day of performance. And you should expect more of this if the music director is the composer of the piece. If he added accompaniment, dear pianist, please play exactly as you see.

4. The One Who Gets Angry at every Mistake

Some music directors are just too allergic to the slightest errors. A note sang or played wrong is like a bee stinging them. Know that you are in trouble when you are caught messing the piece.

5. The One who doesn't Know Time

"Who the hell said it's time?" The popular phrase during rehearsals. Don't ever dare stop a music director at rehearsals to tell him or her it's time. There could be serious consequences

6. The Confused One

There is also the music director who gets confused when he or she hears harmony, fugue or a call and response for a reason no one knows except the everlasting King in heaven. During performances, the musicians end up being the conductors of the piece being performed.

7. The Womanizer

Oops! I just stepped on some toes. These ones just lack the discipline to shun the flirting suggestions of some of the choristers (the ladies please). You can't blame them entirely.

8. The Proud-for-Nothing One

There is another group of music directors who think they are omniscient. Normally, we just look at them and allow them to lavish in their folly and ignorance so that they can continue to be laughing stocks. It's better to have loads of knowledge and be proud than to be an empty barrel.

9. The Multi-Talented

There is that music director who can play almost all instruments perfectly, sing all the parts, conduct and play the keyboard simultaneously (like Addaquay, the one man orchestra).

Okay, so these are the prominent ones I can talk of now. You can add yours in the comment section. See ya....