TROMBONISTS: THE SWEET NIGHTMARE OF BRASS BANDS AND ORCHESTRAS

Photo credit: Edward Stuart

Talk of that tenor, either high or low, and you'll know it's the trombone. Believe it or not, they play a part in enriching the beauty of musical pieces. Think of the glory of many pieces which would not be captivating without this instrument. It's not the trombone that is a headache of music directors but it is rather the human controlling it - the Trombonists.

1. They See Piano As Forte

Trombonists will just not play softly and we can't understand why. They have a habit of disobeying a composer's dynamics especially the piano dynamics. As for pianissimo, forget it. To them, it doesn't exist. If you ever develop a hearing problem, it is the fault of a trombonist.

2. They Won't Stop Talking During Rehearsals

If the brass band or orchestra was to be a zoo, the trombonists will be parrots. They never lack breath and so they talk endlessly about anything and they always have something to say. It's amazing. Only a rehab can solve their talkative problem.

3. Paid for Playing Just Three Semi-breves

This is not common in brass bands but in the orchestra, most of their roles are covered by the french horn or euphonium. The trombone only comes in to give out a loud burst of sound for about 5 seconds and they still get paid. I'm not jealous ooo, but it's just so unfair.

4. First Class Womanisers and Flirts

Hide your girlfriends. Like NOW!!!! That's all I have to say. NB: Yet trombonists are the most faithful kind of husbands when they get married to that one lady of their choice.

5. The Slide Is A Weapon To Them

When a trombonist is idle, the devil uses him or her(rarely) to peeve others by knocking them with the slide. To them, the slide is a weapon of mass destruction and until they see you angry, they won't stop hitting you.